So excited for a long weekend!!

I am supposed to be packing for our beach weekend, but thought I would add my Friday weigh-in post real quick.

Todays' weight-220. That's 22 pounds down total and my surgery was April 8th. Feeling pretty good about this!! Still waiting for magic wand that will allow me to wake up thin and healthy tomorrow morning, but until that happens I'll keep doing what I'm doing!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing weekend and we all take a moment to remember those who provide our freedom!!

Feeling hot, hot hot!!

Want to know the greatest thing about living in the South??? A 93º day in May and then coming home to your AC not working.  Arrrg!!! Please tell me that typing this post this counts as exercise since I am SWEATING!!!!

Other than that, all is well.  I’m feeling much better about my first fill, but I already know I will need another one fairly soon. I am full after eating a very small meal, but I am hungry again within 2-3 hours. I am not having trouble eating anything, but I should have listened to all the wise people who said pizza would be troublesome.  I had a small slice of very thin crust pizza on Saturday. I didn’t get sick, but it sure was uncomfortable for about 30 minutes. So not as bad as I have heard others describe, but I won’t be doing that again! I really haven’t tried anything else on the “food to avoid” list, so I haven’t had any other problems.  

I am struggling with what to eat every day. I need to find that groove of what to pack for lunch that is healthy and filling. I am fine with breakfast and dinner, but if anyone has lunch suggestions, I would love to hear them. I have a fridge and a microwave in my office, but I don’t have a regular lunch hour. I just grab something to eat when I can…I know, bad plan!!

Hope everyone has a great week. I am so grateful for the long weekend coming up!!!!

First fill

So I finally got my long awaited fill yesterday. It was simple, quick and painless…about what I expected. He gave me 1 cc added to the 4 that were in the band from surgery and I am on liquids for 48 hours. So how do I feel? Well, I learned what everyone means when they said they were tight! Especially yesterday, I could get liquids down, but I could really feel the tightness in my chest. So now I am worrying that maybe I am too tight. But crap, I am hungry 1 ½ hours after “eating” my liquid meals so I can’t be too tight! Maybe I should just be patient. Hmmm, that’s a novel concept for me. So now I must finish liquids only today and see if I am hungry tomorrow after actually eating food instead of drinking it. Remember to CHEW and eat SLOWLY. I really haven’t had to do any of that up to this point. Knowing myself the way I do, I’m sure I will learn these lessons the hard way! I will have to remind myself over and over….or I have a feeling this fill will remind me quickly!

But once again, I MUST thank whoever invented Unjury. It is my lifesaver!

Other than that, life is good. Work is crazy. Nothing new.  Sooo looking forward to Memorial Day weekend!! A whole slew of friends and family are gathering at the beach—what could be better?? The gang that is going on the cruise in October is meeting for a pre-cruise party, and much merriment will be made!! There are about 30 of us going, so this is going to be a blast! The thought of getting away for a long weekend gets me through these days at work. It is stressful and not very pleasant right now, so I need something fun to focus on!! Payday is the only bright side right now, but hopefully things will settle down sooner or later. J

Friday weigh in

Today’s weigh in result…..leaves me very grateful that my first fill is Monday! J Reeaallly needing that right about now!

Focusing on the positive:

·         I was able to fit in to a pair of capri pants today that I could not get over my behind a month ago. And they were comfy!

·         My awesome son moved back home today after finishing his freshman year in college! He had an awesome time, made some great friends and is really finding his way in the world. Focusing on the positive: his GPA is high enough to not be on academic probation….but not by much! J Not all his high school friends fared as well, but we have cracked the whip and expect better grades next year. Freshman year was an adjustment, but now he needs to tighten up! So glad to see that handsome face every day!!!

·         My awesome daughter is nearing the end of her freshman year of high school. She is the type to throw herself into everything! Varsity cheerleader, varsity gymnastics team, managed the wrestling team, played junior varsity softball, student government, freshman leadership academy….plus managed to keep her grades up. Looks like she will just miss finishing the year with a 4.0 GPA, but not by much. My little overachiever!! She really needs the summer to decompress and laze around. Three more weeks!

·         I have no plans this weekend…and that is a good thing. It is supposed to be rainy and yucky so I have the perfect excuse to do a whole lot of nothing! I think I will overachieve at laziness this weekend!

Happy Saturday!

We’ll pretend this is my Friday update, since that is when I was supposed to post this! J

Weigh in this week—224. Down one pound. Someone please tell me this will increase once I have a fill!!! Although I am getting the feeling that I will be a one pound a week loser. I eat between 1000-1200 calories a day, so I don’t see how a fill will change that much. Drat.

No, change that. Losing one pound a week is much better than gaining one pound a week. Losing slowly will allow my skin time to hopefully tighten along with the slower loss. Losing weight in a slow and healthy manner will reflect a true lifestyle change, not just a quick fix like I have tried in the past. I didn’t gain all this weight in one month, so there is no way I can lose it in one month either.

These are the words I must repeat to myself. What I really want to scream is FFS!!!! It’s been a whole month, dammit!!! Why in the hell can I not just wake up tomorrow morning and be a size 8??? Is that really such an unreasonable request???? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. So why in the heck isn’t it happening??

Sigh.

Checking in

I am so bad at this blogging thing! I swore I would give timely updates to myself, but clearly I suck at that!

On the weigh front: not great, but not bad. Friday is my weigh in day, and I have kept to that, I just didn’t update my blog. The week before last (Good Friday) I was only down ½ pound. Since that was 2 weeks post-op I was really hoping for a bigger drop. Bummer. I spent a wonderful Easter weekend at the beach with my husband and kids. What an awesome time we had!!! I just love when all four of us are together. I am so grateful that my son goes to school in our town so we get to see him all the time even though he lives on campus, but there is just something perfect about the four of us getting away together. Even if it was just for a weekend, it just restores my soul! This is his week of finals and then he’ll be home for the summer. He is going to take summer classes, but live at home while he does. Yeah!

Going to Myrtle Beach 2 weeks post-op was interesting. I feel 100% normal and I find I am able to eat anything, just not much of it. It is kind of nice, I must admit! I can’t wait to get my first fill, because I really can eat anything. As we all know, being able to eat anything is what led to the need for the lap band in the first place, so this is not where I want to stay. The other part of going to the beach 2 weeks post-op is that I had a bathing suit that fit…sadly! I am the same size I was last year, so all my clothes fit. I just wish they didn’t!! We are going on a cruise in October, so I am really hoping to need new summer clothes for that. Kind of a bummer to have to buy summer clothes for an October trip, and then hope they don’t fit by next spring. I sure hope that is a problem I’ll have. J

So weigh in this past Friday was better…down 2 pounds. Sure didn’t expect that after a weekend at the beach! I find that I think about food ALL DAY! UGH!!! I am hungry, so I have to make a very concerted effort not to fall into old habits and force myself to eat small healthy portions. I sure am hoping this will get a little easier after my fill. Let’s face it, if I had the ability to rely solely on willpower, I wouldn’t have gotten the damn surgery! First fill is two weeks from today!!

I am expecting a very busy week at work, so that is actually good for me. I do so much better eating well when I am at work. Here’s to hoping for another 2 pound loss this week!!

Closet purge!

I know it is way too soon for this, but I just totally purged my closet of winter clothes in my current size. The cold weather is behind us for this year, and I KNOW none of those clothes will fit me next winter. So it is all getting packed away to be given away next winter.
I guess most people pack away clothes based on the season, but I never have. My closet is large enough for what I have, and I don't have a lot of bulky winter stuff so it all just stays merrierly in my closet year round. Not this time! All big winter clothes are OUT! No surprise here, but every single thing I got rid of is black or charcoal gray. Lord, I hope there will be some color in my future wardrobe!!
I am down a total of 13 pounds, so I certainly haven't changed sizes, but it makes me feel better to get rid of all that stuff. I have a long way to go, but I WILL be smaller next winter.
This time I mean it!!!!!

Food front is going well. I got some Chili's chicken enchilada soup to go for dinner last night--I could happily live on that stuff! I just skipped all the toppings and had half the bowl last night and will have the other half for lunch today. For breakfast I had unjury chocolate protein powder with skim milk, sliced banana and a teaspoon of peanut butter. 250 calories, 30 grams of protein and yummy!!! Fills me up for hours!!

I have my first follow up with the doctor tomorrow morning, not sure what to expect. I guess he will just check to see that my incisions are healing well and schedule my next appointment for my first fill. Can't believe it has only been 9 days since surgery--I feel great! My challenge will be to not get discouraged when there are no instant results. It takes time to do it right and I have to be patient. Not my best thing...

One week check in

Well, this time last week I was on the operating table. Hard to believe!!!! It has been a good week, more or less. My swelling is mostly gone. Seems like my belly is still slightly swollen (surely that can't ALL be me?!?) but the pain is very, very minimal. The biggest discomfort I have had all week has been deep breathing. My chest would burn badly if I took more than a shallow breath, but that has improved a little every day. I noticed this morning that I could yawn with no pain...so I think I have turned the corner! Despite my best intentions, I did not start exercising this week, mostly because of the breathing thing. I just get winded very very easily. That excuse seems to be behind me, so today I am at least going to go for a walk....no more excuses!

I have been on full liquids all week, and that hasn't been as hard as I expected. I do find myself hungry at times, but between yogurt, applesauce, Unjury protein shakes (thank God for Unjury!!) and soup, I have managed just fine. I have been tracking my daily intake on My Fitness Pal, and my calories and protein level have increased a little each day. On Monday I had 28 grams of protein and 420 calories, but by yesterday I was already up to 85 grams of protein with 950 calories. I am going to move to the mushy stage this weekend. This will be a challenge, because the thought of eating pureed meat just grosses me out! I could happily eat mashed potatoes all day, but I suspect that will not give me to results I am looking for! I suspect I will be relying on Unjury for my protein this week, and eating mushies that will feel good to my still healing tummy. My plan is to keep my calories under 1200, so we'll see how I do that with new foods being added this week.

Friday is also going to be my weigh-in day....inspired by Lapband Gal! Today I weighed 227.5. I don't remember if I put my starting weight in my other post, but my weight at my first doctor's appointment on March 14th was 242. But on my scale I was 240 when I started the liquid diet, so that is probably my real starting weight. But I'm really trying to focus on where I'm going, not where I've been. It's too easy for me to get discouraged if I think about how bad I let myself go, or howmuch I have left to lose. THIS TIME, I will focus on eating a healthy well balanced diet, keeping my protein up at 80 grams and my calories at 1200. Those are the numbers I will focus on...not the number on the scale. If I focus on the numbers going in to my body, then the numbers on the scale will take care of themselves without me freaking out about it. Right? Right?!?!

Like I said, THIS TIME I am trying to do things differently, and that means changing my hard head more than anything.

This is all new to me!

OK, I’ll start with a confession. I am a long term stalker. That’s me sitting on the sidelines watching everyone and learning from what they do, but not venturing out on my own. I have stalked message boards for years without a single post, read hundreds of blogs on dozens of different subjects, all without a single peep from me.

So why blog now? Because This Time I Mean It! This is the last time I am going to “try” to lose weight. There is no more try, no more hiding in the background so no one will know if I failed. I am actually going to commit to writing a blog for one reason….it’s time to quit hiding on the sidelines. I have learned so much from so many strangers in blogland, totally unbeknownst to them, of course. They never know I followed their every word and learned from their mistakes, and shared in their victories. But then again, they never learned from mine, or helped me through the failures. They never knew I was there. Maybe not a soul will read this, but that’s OK. I just may learn something by writing it!

OK, about me. I’m 43, happily married to the world’s greatest man for over 20 years and have 2 awesome kids-a son who is a freshman in college, and a daughter who is a freshman in high school. I am blessed in every way imaginable in my home life. Then there is that weight thing. I never had to give my weight a thought when I was young. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted with no regard whatsoever to gaining weight or getting enough nutrition. Foolishly, I thought that would last forever. Two kids later and turning 30, the weight started to pile on. And on. And on. I have lost and gained, lost and gained some more. I have tried so many diets, and lost some weight on all of them. But then I gain it all back, plus a few extras. So losing weight isn’t the biggest problem for me…it’s keeping it off. Although I have never lost all the weight that I set out to. I just get tired of dieting and go back to my old ways of eating, and (shockingly) gain back every ounce. Again.

SO I decided to get serious about the lap band. I had bantered it about in the back of my mind for years, but never thought I would need it. Surely I could do this on my own, right?? Well after 13 years of being fat and now weighing 100 pounds MORE than I did after my kids were born, I knew I needed help. And then things really fell in to place. My first doctor’s appointment was March 14^th and my surgery date was April 8^th. That must be a record from start to finish, but I think it was just meant to be!!

So here I am 4 days post op and feeling pretty good. Now, if you had asked me Friday night or Saturday morning…different story. The nausea and pain was more than I wanted to deal with, but I just took it very easy and was feeling much better by Sunday. I am still pretty swollen, and I move really slowly, and my belly is like an extra appendage, but other than that, not bad. I am not having any trouble eating or drinking, and today have actually been a little hungry. That’s a first since the surgery, so I take it as a good sign.

I am on full liquids, so I “eat” yogurt, applesauce, soup, or protein shakes. I tried Unjury for the first time today…wow! God bless whoever invented this stuff. The Bariatric Advantage I was using from the doctor’s office tasted like cake batter and I just didn’t have it in me to choke down one more. I only had to do the pre-op liquid diet for 1 week, and that was enough of those things!

Since my surgery was on a Friday, I plan to make Friday my official weigh in day. So I don’t have any idea what I weigh right now….I don’t want to get discouraged if the swelling is showing up on the scale, so I am staying off it until Friday. I’m 5’4” and weighed 233 on the morning of surgery. I would like to get to 150, but my ultimate goal is really 140. I haven’t seen that number since I was 25, so I am trying not to get too hung up on the numbers. I want to be healthy and not embarrassed of my weight. I have no idea if 140 would even work for me, so again….it’s not about the final number right now. I just know the final will be south of 160 and north of 130. We’ll see how I look and feel when I get closer. Sounds reasonable, right???